I am a single mum. And while i love being a mother, the single part of it is definitely a challenge.
Here are some of the mistakes i made, and we all can make without even realizing that we are making them.
1).WAITING TOO LONG TO START DATING AGAIN
Re-entering the dating world is easier when you haven’t been alone for too long. Once you have taken your time to recover from your break up, you might want to try getting your feet a little wet.
Re entering brings on a whole set of complexities, like being set in your ways which makes it even more difficult to be open to someone new to share your life with.
2).BEING EXCLUSIVE TOO SOON.
You might want to give your relationship some time without being completely absorbed by one person.
Also never assume that you are in a committed relationship until you have discussed it with the person you are dating.
3).BECOMING SEXUALLY INTIMATE TOO SOON.
Sometimes it feels like it has been too long since you have been intimate with someone and you are craving the connection.
Failing to realize that the act of sex will bond you emotionally, making it difficult to leave the relationship if its not a match.
4).SPILLING TOO MUCH TEA.
No matter how much you want to tell him how you have suffered in the past, please don’t. No matter how bad things ended with your baby daddy, the man you are dating doesn’t need to know every detail. He doesn’t need to know what a cold hearted bustard your ex is and how you wish he gets killed in a drive by shooting.
This type of talk makes you sound crazy and like a woman he doesn’t want to date.
Feeling insecure is a natural on some occasions, especially with how you became a single mum and the events and feelings around that. But it is important to know when its too much and how to stop it. A little insecurity is normal, and everyone at some point in life feels that, but having issues with insecurity in a relationship is a little different.
It can cause unnecessary problems and make it seems like they are worse than the actually are, insecurities can also bring about issues of trust. And sometimes it is important to also understand that these insecurities are not always caused by your partner doing something wrong. For example, your partner is out drinking with his boys, but you are insecure because you think he might get drunk and cheat just like your ex.
6).MOTHERING YOUR PARTNER.
Yes you are a mum, a great one to be precise, but this is a grown as man, you don’t have to look after him or clean after him or do things for him like his mother. Your motherly instincts might be too much on protecting and caring for him, but you should draw a line. If you are worried about there drinking habits, don’t bring about your mothering skills here, talk to him like an adult.
Mothering pushes him away, it makes him feel incompetent and therefore needs to run for his life.
Constantly reminding him what to do or what not to do or why he is doing things the way he does them, will bring about issues of nagging. And we all know how nagging is a deal breaker.